


Want

by amandaskankovich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 19:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandaskankovich/pseuds/amandaskankovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian’s new boyfriend tells him he loves him and Ian wants Mickey’s thoughts on that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want

Ian’s new boyfriend he’s nice.

Lip likes him.

Debbie loves him.

And this gives Ian faith that he’s good, decent and good for him.

But there’s a problem.

He tells Ian, “I love you,” one day and it throws him off. Ian’s boyfriend he notices this and he’s quick to say, “Don’t worry it’s okay. Say it back when you’re ready.”

But it fucks up Ian’s whole morning and then it fucks up his whole day until he finds himself without meaning to because they have stayed away from each other for weeks now and he swears he doesn’t mean to but he follows Mickey into the bar he heard from Mandy he goes every night these days because his wife is getting more and more pregnant and he can’t be there to see it.

Mickey doesn’t see him but he follows him inside and then he follows him into a bathroom.

Some guy finishes pissing and then it’s just the two of them.

Mickey’s not drunk yet. He doesn’t say anything when he turns around and Ian’s standing there. He just looks the boy up and down like he’s not surprised to see him there but if he feels anything about it he’s not saying or showing a damn thing.

Ian says, “I have a boyfriend now.”

Mickey doesn’t say a thing.

“He told me he loved me today.”

Mickey doesn’t say a thing.

And Ian shakes his head and lets out this disgusted laugh and he turns to leave but Mickey says, “He sounds good for you.”

Ian turns around but he doesn’t say a thing.

“So why are you here then?” Mickey asks.

Because it’s coded into his family’s dna that they can’t have good things or good people?

Because he’s so close to that and he can’t take it and he wants to burn it down?

And Ian’s going to say, “I don’t know. I’m a fucking idiot.”

But Mickey’s in this black wifebeater and these tight jeans and he leans into the wall in such a way and Ian’s feet are moving towards him without permission and he’s going to kiss him, wants to kiss him, has to kiss him but before he can Mickey’s hand is against his chest and pushing him away.

“Why are you here?” He asks.

And Ian says, “I don’t know.”

And Ian says, “I’m a fucking idiot.”

And Mickey says, “So you want me to tell you to go back to your boyfriend? Go back to your boyfriend.”

Ian says, “His name is Riley.”

Mickey says, “Why the fuck do I need to know that?”

And then he pushes Ian away and he walks out of the bathroom and he walks out of the bar.

And Ian’s not going to.

What he means to do is go home.

But he follows him instead.

It doesn’t take long to catch up to Mickey and then Ian’s saying, “I met him at this bar. He’s a couple years older than me. He’s in college well…community college. He lives in this house he rents with like 6 roommates.”

Mickey’s not saying anything.

“He’s vegetarian. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s a vegetarian before him. We met at a club. I think we were the only two people there under 40. I don’t think I would have talked to him otherwise I mean he’s cute but I don’t know if we have a lot in common.”

Mickey stops walking. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it.

“He doesn’t smoke.” Ian says.

Mickey takes a long drag and then he tilts his head and blows a huge cloud of smoke into the sky.

And before Ian can stop himself the words are coming out, “Why did you get married? Why the fuck did you get married?”

“You’re not happy,” Ian says, “how could you be? With her?”

Mickey looks over at Ian and he says, “You’re not happy either.”

Then he holds the cigarette out to Ian and Ian’s not going to take it.

He’s not.

But Mickey says, “I got married because my dad told me he would shoot you in the head if I didn’t and pops don’t make empty threats.”

And they stare at each other for what seems like a long time.

And then Ian takes the cigarette.

They walk a little further and Ian says, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Mickey says, “Why didn’t you know?”

Mickey says, “You have no fucking clue what it’s like being in that house. You have no idea how bad it gets even after…”

And Mickey doesn’t finish the sentence but he doesn’t have to. Ian knows.

He’d been right there in that house on that day and he still had no fucking clue.

But eventually Ian can respond and when he does he says, “So why didn’t you just say that? Ever? I was falling apart and you fucking knew…”

Ian says, “You’re not that noble.”

Ian says, “It wasn’t just because of me.”

Ian says, “It was for you.”

And Mickey says, “Yeah it was for me too because I’m the one who has to live there. You got your family and I got mine. How was I supposed to know you’d fuck your whole life up because of it? Join the army? Who the fuck does something like that?” Mickey says.

“Over someone like me.” He leaves out.

They’ve been walking and walking and now where are they?

In that same abandoned building and Mickey backs slowly into a wall.

Ian doesn’t mean to but he’s walking toward him.

Ian says, “I have a problem.”

Mickey doesn’t say anything.

Ian begins, “This guy…”

Mickey says, “I don’t wanna hear it.”

Ian says, “Riley…”

Mickey says, “I’ll leave.”

Ian says, “I don’t feel anything with him!”

Mickey doesn’t say a word.

Ian says, “I want to though.”

Ian says, “He’s a good guy. He could be good for me. I want someone I can hold his hand and he won’t pull away. I want someone whose dad doesn’t threaten to fucking execute me.”

Mickey says, “Then go. I’m not keeping you here. Go away.”

Ian asks, “Did I waste it all on you? There’s nothing left for anyone else.”

Mickey doesn’t say a thing.

They’re an inch apart and Mickey holds up his hand and pushes Ian away.

Mickey says, “I am never going to be the person that you want.”

Ian says, “So what should I do?”

Mickey lets out this sad laugh, “I’m tired man.”

And then Mickey says, “Do whatever you want. But things are the way they are and you have this guy who can hold your fucking hand.”

And Ian considers this.

They’re only an inch apart.

If the next move is Ian’s…Gallaghers make the wrong fucking choice every single time.

“I love you,” Ian says.

And Mickey’s hand is on Ian’s chest, grabbing his shirt, pulling them together.


End file.
